1000 ways to annoy Sour Bill
by ForkOnTheLeft
Summary: The Sugar Rush racers and others annoy/torture/piss off Sour Bill for no particular reason.
1. CANDLEHEAD!

Just a random series I came up with. I DON'T OWN WRECK-IT RALPH. Enjoy. Or not. Whatever.

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room.

* * *

Sour Bill: I don't understand why you need me to inspect a room.

Vanellope: Just do it.

At said room...

Sour Bill: I don't see anything wro-(notices Candlehead) OH DEAR GUM NO.

Vanellope locks the door.

Candlehead: Hi Sour Bill when did you get here this reminds me of the time...

And she kept blabbing on. For a very long time.

Sour Bill: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

* * *

And that's the end of chapter one! Have an idea to torture/annoy him? Leave a reveiw or PM me!


	2. LICK HIM!

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room.(check)

2.** Lick him.**

3. Cybug emergency practice.

* * *

Sour Bill was doing boring crap that nobody cares about when he walked into Vanellope. What he didn't excpect was for almost all of the Sugar Russians to appear behind her.

Sour Bill: Why are you all looking at me like-

But he was cut off as Vanellope licked him.

Sour Bill: WHAT THE FUDGE WAS THAT-

But he was cut off once again as the racers all started licking him.

* * *

Once again, leave a review with an idea, or PM me!


	3. PRACTICE!

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room. (check)

2. Lick him. (check)

3. **Cybug emergency practice.**

4. Tickle him.

5. Get Felix extremely "cross" with him.

6. Make him spend a day with The Gang.

* * *

Seargent Calhoun is at the front door of the Pink House. She knocks on the door and she is greeted by our favorite little gumdrop, Sour Bill.

Sour Bill: May I help you?

Calhoun: Yes you may. I am giving Sugar Rush a Cybug Emergency Practice session and I need you there. Or else.

Sour Bill: Mam, I am the head police officer of this game. You don't scare me.

Calhoun takes one step forward.

Sour Bill: OKAY, OKAY!

Later...

Calhoun: Alright ladies-

Rancis: I'm a dude...

Calhoun: CAN IT, PRETTY BOY.

Rancis kept his mouth shut.

Calhoun: As I was saying, Cybugs will stop at nothing until they destroy everything you hold dear. Here are a few tips in case they try to invade your game.

Calhoun: Number one; Avoid contact of any kind. If the Cybugs see you, they _will _kill or eat you. Like this.

She unleashes a cybug on Sour Bill. It then turns into a 8 foot tall Sour Bill-Cybug-thing. Let's call it Sour Bug.

Calhoun: If you get eaten by one, don't hesitate to get killed. You will regenerate, and The Cybug will not. Watch.

She shoots Sour Bug in the face, right as he was going to eat her. Sour Bill regenerates.

Calhoun: And that brings us to number two-

She was cut off by the racers giggling.

Calhoun: What's so funny?

Candlehead: You said number two.

The seargent facepalmed.

Calhoun: Anyway...**lesson** two: Always have a gun available. That way, you can defend yourself against Cybugs. You just aim...like this...and pull the trigger!

She shoots Sour Bill again.

Calhoun: But make sure the saftey mode is on when there are no Cybugs, or you might shoot one of your friends. Like this.

She shoots the poor gumdrop a third time.

Sour Bill: WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT?!

Calhoun: No.

She shoots him again.

Calhoun: And for our final lesson, follow me.

They all follow Calhoun to the peak Diet Cola Mountain.

Calhoun: Always have a beacon of some sort to incinerate the Cybugs. Watch this and stand back.

She kicks a few mentos into the mountain and it erupts with hot cola.

Calhoun: Cybugs will fly towards it and get themselves killed. Like this.

Sour Bill: No, wait!

She throws Sour Bill in and he disintegrates.

Later...

Calhoun: Thank you soldier.

Sour Bill: You're not welcome.

Calhoun: How would you like to voulenteer to do this every week?

Sour Bill eyes get as wide as saucers and he slams the door.

* * *

Have an idea? Leave a review! Or not. Whatver.


	4. TICKLE HIM!

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room. (check)

2. Lick him. (check)

3. Cybug emergency practice. (check)

4. **Tickle him.**

5. Get Felix extremely "cross" with him.

6. Make him eat Crumblina's horrible cooking.

7. Make him spend a day with The Gang.

* * *

Sour Bill is patroling around Sugar Rush when he bumps into Ralph and Vanellope.

Sour Bill: Hello Vanellope, Ralph.

Ralph: Hey Sour Bill. I still haven't to found out how many licks it takes to get to your center.

Sour Bill: That was so funny I forgot to laugh.

Ralph: Funny you should say that.

He and Vanellope start to tickle Sour Bill.

Sour Bill: HAHAHAHA-PLEASESTAHAHAHAH-STOP-HAHAHA!

Two minutes later...

Sour Bill: hah...haha...why me...

* * *

END.


	5. FELIX IS CROSS!

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room. (check)

2. Lick him. (check)

3. Cybug emergency practice. (check)

4. Tickle him.

5. **Get Felix extremely "cross" with him.**

6. Make him eat Crumbelina's horrible cooking.

7. Make him spend a day with the gang.

* * *

Sour Bill is in Hero's Duty, delivering a package from Sugar Rush to Sargeant Tamora Jean Calhoun. He knocks on the door.

Sour Bill: Package for miss Calhoun.

Calhoun: Come in.

Sour Bill opens the door with a heavy box in his hand. He walks over the the sargeant, but accidentaly drops it on her foot.

Calhoun: OUCH!

Calhoun falls back onto her bed.

Sour Bill: Oh no! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Here, let me help!

But the box inexplicably jumps onto his foot, the shock sending him into the air and onto the bed. It was that moment that Felix walked in.

Felix: Tammy, I'm ho-WHAT THE POO IS GOING ON HERE! Excuse my potty mouth.

Sour Bill: Wha...OH, FELIX IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

Calhoun: It's exactly what it looks like.

Felix: Were you trying to...defile my wife?!

Sour Bill: No, no!

Calhoun: Yes.

Felix gets pissed and starts mercifully beating the crap out of Sour Bill. Then he heals him, because he's such a nice guy. Then he beats him up again. This cycle repeats at least six times until he punches the poor little sour ball all the way back to Sugar Rush.

Calhoun: Thank you Felix.

Felix: Anything for you, my dynamite gal.

They start kissing. Then the something pops out of the package.

Vanellope: IT'S ME! Oh...I guess now is a bad time...

Vanellope walks away, carrying her box.

* * *

This is now officially rated 'T'! You can now send T rated requests! I am now shutting up!


	6. CRUMBELINA'S COOKING

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room. (check)

2. Lick him. (check)

3. Cybug emergency practice. (check)

4. Tickle him.

5. Get Felix extremely "cross" with him.

**6**. **Make him eat Crumbelina's horrible cooking.**

7. Make him spend a day with the gang.

* * *

Vanellope: C'mon Bill, we're gonna be late!

Sour Bill: Late for what exactly?

Vanellope: We're gonna visit Crumbelina, dum-dum pop!

At Crumbelina's house...

Vanellope: Hey, Crumbs!

Sour Bill: Hello...

Crumbelina: Hola, amigos! It's great to see you two! Take a seat, I'll make you some food.

Later...

Crumbelina: Here you go!

Vanellope: Thanks!

Sour Bill: Thank you...

As soon as Crumbelina walks away, Vanellope throws the food behind her back, and Sour Bill is confused as to why she did so.

Sour Bill: Vanellope! That's very rude.

Vanellope whispers to Sour Bill.

Vanellope: Don't tell her this, but Crumbelina's cooking is terrible.

Sour Bill: I'll just have to see for myself.

Vanellope: Don't say I didn't warn you...here she comes, act natural.

Sour Bill eats some of the food.

Sour Bill: This...is actually pretty good.

Vanellope: WHAT?!

Crumbelina: Finally, someone appreciates my cooking!

Vanellope: So you're telling me that you actually like this.

Sour Bill: Yes.

Vanellope: And you don't feel annoyed/tortured/pissed off?

Sour Bill: Nope.

Vanellope:...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

She kicks Sour Bill over.

Vanellope: There. Now balance is restored.

* * *

And there you go.


	7. RALPH!

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room. (check)

2. Lick him. (check)

3. Cybug emergency practice. (check)

4. Tickle him. (check)

5. Get Felix extremely "cross" with him. (check)

6. Make him eat Crumbelina's horrible cooking. (check)

7. **Sic Ralph on him.**

8. Make him spend a day with the gang.

* * *

Vanellope is in Game Central Station, looking for the game, Fix-it Felix Jr., when someone taps on her shoulder.

Zangief: Hey, kid. You lost?

Vanellope: Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm trying to get to Fix-it Felix Jr. Could you help me?

Zangeif: You walk down stairs, walk more, take right, walk up other stairs and you should see it.

Vanellope: Thanks, Mister!

* * *

At Fix-it Felix Jr...

Vanellope is knocks on the door of Ralph's house and she is greeted by none other than the wrecker himself.

Ralph: Hey, Vanellope! Come on in!

Vanellope walks into Ralph's house.

Ralph: So what's the problem, kid?

Vanellope puts on her best puppy-dog face.

Vanellope: Sour Bill is being mean to me.

Ralph spits out his drink. Except he didn't have one.

Ralph: What?! Kid, let your friend Ralph handle this.

* * *

Later...

Ralph: Hey, coughdrop, I heard you were being mean to Vanellope over there.

Sour Bill: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Ralph: Don't play dumb with me!

Sour Bill: I honestly don't know what you're saying, sir.

Ralph: Okay, we tried doing it the nice way, now we're gonna do it the Ralph way.

Ralph cracks his knuckles.

Five minutes later...

Sour Bill pretty much looks like a green pile of crap. Vanellope has what can best be described as a trollface.

* * *

Fun fact: Sour Bill and Zangief both have the same voice actor, who is Rich Moore, director of the movie.


	8. NESQUIK SAND!

1. Put him and Candlehead in the same room. (check)

2. Lick him. (check)

3. Cybug emergency practice. (check)

4. Tickle him. (check)

5. Get Felix extremely "cross" with him. (check)

6. Make him eat Crumbelina's horrible cooking. (check)

7. Sic Ralph on him.

**8. Throw him in nesquik sand**

* * *

Sour Bill is taking his daily patrol around Sugar Rush to see if things are in tip-top shape, when he walks into Minty Zaki

Minty: Sour Bill, come quick! I saw something strange! Just follow me!

Sour Bill: You're sure it wasn't another candy wrapper?

Minty: Yes! Just come on.

* * *

Minty: It's in the nesquik sand.

Sour Bill looks into the pit.

Sour Bill: I don't see anything.

Minty: Closer...

Sour Bill moves closer.

Minty: Closer...

Sour Bill moves even closer.

Minty: A little closer...

Sour Bill falls in. Minty laughs and walks away.

Sour Bill: Help me. Somebody? Anybody?

* * *

Later...

Sour Bill: This is stupid.

* * *

Sorry for the wait.


End file.
